Yeoman Warder Gifts

'So what do you do?'

Beefeater

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

Nervous Oral Testing

That party went well.

"I witnessed something I can never unsee." "What happened, little buddy?" "Some guy walking out of the 'Wolverine' premiere shouted spoilers to the crowd that was waiting to see the second show." "A bunch of the fans who were dressed in costumes got so angry they attacked him." "I don't think I can ever unsee five Pyros and a Colossus beating a Happy Hogan with plastic flamethrowers." "Happy Hogan had it coming."

'Told you to get your mower fixed.'

'Since he bought the leaf blower I hardly ever see him.'

"Must get a longer cable."

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

Introducing Ambient Books: No beginning...no middle...no end...just a bunch of sentences specially written to soothe and relax the reader.

"Returning to standard time is always difficult. I gain an hour of worrying."

When Fred's super deluxe leaf blower blew up yet again, he wondered where global deforestation is when you want it,

'You're right, Mr. Benson, no question about it...I agree...yes! Absolutely! Yes...yes...'

"Can't wait to see the look on his face when we put these back on the tree."

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

Garden Talk - "I've decided to do some muck spreading."

'Life isn't fair! Most of the stuff I worried about over the years never even happened!'

'I'm looking for a toothpaste that combats Tokyo, Kansas city and Suburban Portland along the gum line.'

Banting in the Yeomanry

Prison Governor - Trays read: In/Not if I have my way.

"That's classic J.R. . . .a little bit business, a little bit whimsy."

Man mowing lawn that grows quicker then he can cut it!

"What a magnificent display of fall foliage – a blessing to behold." "*!#@!%* leaves!..."

"It used to be that if you worried about unseen forces you were considered paranoid. Now you're a security expert."

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

''Willie the Wizard' gets out next week -- get ready to change all the locks.'

"That's one hole filled, only about three or four more to go."

"Honest, Dad, somethin's wrong with the lawnmower." "You look fine to me. When you finish the lawn and pullin weeds feel free to wash the car and paint the house."

"Makes you feel kind of proud, doesn't it?"

Concern Chart

"One day, this will all be yours. But right now, I need you down in the warehouse."

Dutch Boy With Finger In Dyke

'You worry too much. Next time something goes wrong, try blaming someone else.'

'You poached the rabbit in white wine, and poaching's a $250 dollar fine.'