Yelp Reviewers T-Shirts

"Well, thanks for the box of raisins, but we can't promise you a very good Trick or Treat rating on Yelp."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

Can't Touch This

"Snow White swears by these 10 products for flawless beauty."

'After researching our dream vacation online with reviews, commentaries, we cams and pictures, we felt we'd been there and didn't need the trip!'

"What do you suggest...the tuna fish or the peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich?"

"Darling, you never let me see the side of you that pays."

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"The food was o.k., but the atmosphere was terrible."

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

'...and one 'death by chocolate', Sir.'

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

No, no, Grok, we love your creative voice! Ort is just here to do a little punch-up.

"Hey, waiter! This homework is burnt to a crisp!"

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

International House of Excrement

'Are you ready to be patronised yet?'

"I need a pitchfork that's just a pitchfork."

The Music Critic.

"Wow!"

"Which should we go see: the straight romantic comedy where the heroine's best friend is a gay man, or the gay romantic comedy where the hero's best friend is a straight woman?"

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

Reviewing a Scientific Paper - Etiquette for References.

'I'd like to return this shredder.'

"Something photogenic for each of us."