Xenophobia Debunker Pillows

"You and your, 'why bother to learn another language. Everyone in the known universe speaks, Zarconian'!"

"Say 'eh.'"

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

"Men can keep a secret, but it takes a woman to tell them that it was supposed to be a secret!"

Girl who can't cook meets guy who can't fix stuff.

His & hers towels.

"Sorry? I wasn't listening."

Disparate housewives.

"In science class, we learned that a solar eclipse is not due to a rolling blackout."

Count Flatula

Excellent academic and personal qualifications...but I'm afraid your womb lets you down!

'Don't worry, he's very friendly.'

Rubbing alcoholics anonymous.

It's an unwritten law. Guys can like only two kinds of flowering plants - a cactus with thorns or that one that eats flies.

"Two months in France and Spain gave me the courage to smoke again."

Why Men Get Angry and Why Women Get Angry

"The president has banned the Mexican wave and replaced it with the American wave... Also, empanadas will now only use American jumping-beans."

'Just because I'm a weasel, people assume I'm not trustworthy...'

"Yeah, getting Ol' Spike neutered wasn't enough. So, I changed his name to Percy and enrolled him in Doggy Ballet."

Foreigners in Paris - Foreigners staring at one another believing the other to be Parisian

'What do you mean you don't understand! Can't you see I'm speaking Italian!'

Women are from venus...men are from a layby outside Watford.

"Geez, Jerry. Would you just pull over and ask for directions?!"

"Why, this whole thing is nothing but a flimsy tissue of facts!"

"Welcome to our intern program. I'm your instructor, Dr. David Robertson."

'Good morning, and welcome to our 'Spot American Agents' workshop!'

'Seriously? You might want to throw a bit of pink on that to help people out.'

"You ever wonder why they always draw only one tree?"

"Stop worrying, they're just sending us here for processing."

"Penis envy is usually a female complaint, Mr pettigrew"

Car sign reads: 'How's my wife's driving?'

"I should warn you. Men are animals, and I'm no exception."