Writing Witticist Prints

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"He belongs to a lawyer."

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

Sharp Eyes

'He never listened to his mother!'

You trip on it, you buy it.

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

"I got into the coffee for the wordplay."

'I'd better check it for punctuation before you give it to him.'

Male On Sunday

Bell Hop

"Wow, I cannot remember what I was saying."

Bagel problems.

Cross Umbrella

'Dad a dachshund is really half a dog high and two dog long...'

"So you're saying if I wasn't so smart, I'd have more friends?"

'I thought I could dance...'

'Branding is essential if you're to survive in the Jungle of modern law...'

Cottage Cheese

"I beg to differ, Miss. My answer is correct. It's your question that's wrong."

Beware of a first kiss that speaks volumes.

'You could use more fiber in your diet; go sow a few wild oat brans.'

"High Fashion"

"We should have taken a eweber."

Change Of Heart

Witty T-Shirt Guy