Writing Poetry Gifts

Intellectual Foreplay...

Mother Goose's Haiku

Never write a sonnet on an empty stomach

Father Ted Hughes.

'Oh, I'm the captain of my soul, all right -- it's just that I'm married to a fleet admiral.'

Gas Leak!

"I can write beautiful poems, but they all rhyme with gin."

"How about one more for the road not taken?"

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"Bond James, Bond."

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

Copycats

I should be a writer when I grow up...

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

'How fast can you hype?'

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Squeezing the Free Press.

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

The Ray Bradbury classic, 'The Car Alarm.'

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.