Workspace Wellness Warrior Gifts

'I moved the computer and phone off my desk. You wouldn't understand. It's a Feng Shui thing and it has successfully reduced my job related stress.'

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Self help acupuncture

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

37 years in the same position.

'Well, well, well...'

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

"Your contents have shifted."

Be Healthy

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

Hand Sanitizer Man, beloved superhero of every workplace in the world.

'How many times have I told to seize the day before it seizes you?'

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'

"You are being overly-defensive again, Brenda!"

'Don't worry about the company's pension plan. The way we work you, you'll be lucky to live that long!'

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

"Another one so relaxed, she couldn't walk out of here."

'Did you just show your teeth at me Wilson?'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

'The boss put his picture up to enspire us. But it just isn't having that effect on me.'

'Please leave the light on, dear. I'm afraid there might be OSHA inspectors under the bed.' 'Managers at Night.'

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

Hot Pie Therapy

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

'Here's another one that'll make you blow your stack.'

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

'It's 930am ma'am - time to meet the Board of Detractors.'