Workplace Truth-teller Gifts

'The job title is 'Senior Executive Assistant,' but basically I'm looking for a toady.'

'We have a new duty of candour, so let's be clear...Whistleblowers will have their careers flushed down the toilet.'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"I wanted a Meticulous Monday or a Thorough Thursday report. This reads more like a Frivolous Friday."

Staff. Manager. So then you must say "I refuse to lift weights." Hey, that's not what I expected when I hired you to be a resistance training instructor!

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

Freedom of the press

When Pro Athletes Enter The Workforce.

"Well, it could be the rising tide of consumer indifference to our company's latest product, or it might be the sink in the men's bathroom acting up again. We're still not sure."

"The job is yours. You're a jerk, we're all jerks, I think it'll be a great fit!"

"Effective leadership is more than just telling everybody to be like you!"

'You said you wanted more responsibility, so I'm making you responsible for everything that goes wrong.'

'If I got the job as a sales manager here at Zenadine, I would probably straggle in around 10, then surf the Net for a while, do a crossword...'

"I'm not lazy. I'm resting before I get tired."

'Relax, Wilson-I'm just off to the loo.'

"Let me level with you. I am a lecherous, incompetent, alcoholic, overpaid, sexist senior executive. The company has put me in your way to test your countervailing potential."

"An open one-to-one environment is what you want, an open one-to-one environment is what you get, Ms Praed."

Corporate Cafeteria. I don't care how many toppings you pizza has --- eating it is not multitasking!

'That's part of out in-house, stress management program...'

We're looking at better ways to share our knowledge & expertise. But I'm not going to tell you what they are.'

"The figures for the last quarter are in. We made significant gains in the fifteen-to-twenty-six-year-old age group, but we lost our immortal souls."

'My stretch goal for this year is to get 52 weekly paychecks.'

"Excuse me, Mr Newton, but some of the employees think that your promotion has gone to your head."

'Welcome to the office. . . Someone will be along to remove your self esteem and install your paranoia.'

Career advice from the boss