Workplace Induction Pillows

It's important to get to know the unspoken rules of office life...

"Right now for your induction. . . the toilets are down there. If you need anything else drop me a line. . ."

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

The best financial decision I ever made.

"Cash, Jordan. That's what separates man from the apes."

"You weren't expecting a walrus, right?"

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

"National Metaphor Day by the looks of it."

Whack-a-mole CEO.

'We're very proud of you, Jenkins. Keep up the good work.'

'Right about here I added a drip coffee maker, with high caffeine premium blend coffee, to the employee break room.'

Meet the new factory manager.

'I didn't realize we'd employed a cyber bully in you, Miss Tweedy.'

"You shouldn't do it because I'm telling you to do it. You should do it because I'm telling you I'll fire you if you don't do it."

'Being a nobody isn't so bad...You don't have to worry about becoming a has-been.'

'I didn't get the salary increase, but I've been moved one parking space closer to the entrance.'

'And in addition it seems that he has been eating some of the other children'.

'I'm calling you out, account to account.'

"This is their 'Working Mother of Four' coffee special. They must know what I go through."

Hourglass Dumptruck

"Who's the new guy?"

Suggestion box, one for suggestions and one for 'clean' suggestions.

"You'll get an office, a pay increase and a set of bad nicknames from your colleagues."

The rat race

"The firm is always appointed above competence levels, you topped out at paperclip."

'Brilliant job, Rafferty. Advance two cubicles!'

We like to show the endowment to newly tenured professors.

"Murray's the guy you replaced. He's decided to fight to get his job back."

You don't feel very secure working at this place.

Minion of the month

“I don’t know how to put this...but your replacement Chat GBT does.”

"You'll be head of HR & R, Human Relations and Reductions."

"We've agreed we need more workplace kindness. Let's move on to enforcement."

Workplace bullying.