Work Incentives Pillows

Christmas bonus

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

The best financial decision I ever made.

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

"National Metaphor Day by the looks of it."

Whack-a-mole CEO.

'I was hoping for a better bonus this year.'

'Congratulations, Yomp - we're giving you a bigger carrot!'

'We're very proud of you, Jenkins. Keep up the good work.'

"Carrots just didn't get me going anymore, so I switched to chocolate instead..."

Carrot VS Stick

"You shouldn't do it because I'm telling you to do it. You should do it because I'm telling you I'll fire you if you don't do it."

'I'm calling you out, account to account.'

"When you promised me 'a set of wheels', I assumed a company car."

Performance Management: "We decided to get rid of the stick and just use the carrots."

'We hoped you'd respond more enthusiastically to our incentive program.'

"You'll get an office, a pay increase and a set of bad nicknames from your colleagues."

The rat race

After the latest pay bonus and benefit awards you've won, I've decided to join you on the shop floor.

"You'll be allowed to work from home two days a week... Saturday and Sunday."

We like to show the endowment to newly tenured professors.

'Brilliant job, Rafferty. Advance two cubicles!'

"Murray's the guy you replaced. He's decided to fight to get his job back."

Carrots on sticks wardrobe.

Finish your spinach and claim a free laptop!

"You've been vital to our great year. Your bonus is whatever you can carry out by midnight."

Well done, I hear you hit your target. Yes, a week for two in Hawaii.

Minion of the month

Carrot on a stick incentive - dog and human.

"Being a disruptive company does not mean interrupting and making sarcastic remarks during meetings."

"Putting a trampoline in the breakroom to inspire fitness wasn't one of my best ideas."

'I'm told he has insufficient assets to cover a reality check.'

'So, Bill! What do you think my chances are of moving into supervisory position?'

'With 13 holidays per year, 2 weeks sick leave, 2 coffee break each day, 4 weeks vacation a year, 80% of ife and health insurance, profit sharing, including various discounts and you still want a salary?'