Job Perks Pillows

"We could hire another accountant and secretary, but wouldn't it be fun to have a barista?"

"You'll be allowed to work from home two days a week... Saturday and Sunday."

Chester sat quietly as he enjoyed one of the perks that came with his job.

"When you promised me 'a set of wheels', I assumed a company car."

"I couldn't get you a raise but I did get you a taller chair."

"Working here includes some pretty sweet perks."

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

The best financial decision I ever made.

"National Metaphor Day by the looks of it."

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

Whack-a-mole CEO.

'I was hoping for a better bonus this year.'

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

'We're very proud of you, Jenkins. Keep up the good work.'

Find out that man's name and give him a rise.

"You shouldn't do it because I'm telling you to do it. You should do it because I'm telling you I'll fire you if you don't do it."

'... and finally, to my business partner I leave my corporate parking space.'

'I'm calling you out, account to account.'

Labor Day '19

"You're entitled to ten sick days, five personal days and four complete do-overs."

The rat race

'Call me a cockeyed optimist but I still believe big executive bonuses and perks can buy happiness.'

After the latest pay bonus and benefit awards you've won, I've decided to join you on the shop floor.

"You'll get an office, a pay increase and a set of bad nicknames from your colleagues."

'Brilliant job, Rafferty. Advance two cubicles!'

We like to show the endowment to newly tenured professors.

'I warned you not to ask for a shorter work week.'

"Murray's the guy you replaced. He's decided to fight to get his job back."

'Your performance has been a steady boat in a sea of change.'

"You're the most dedicated guy in the company, Bob. I don't know how you do it."

Minion of the month

"Being a disruptive company does not mean interrupting and making sarcastic remarks during meetings."

"Apparently you've come to somebody's attention."

'It hasn't gone unnoticed by management how much extra time you've been spending in the office...so here's a bill to repay the electricity you've used.'

Employee of the Month - male.