Employment Benefits Pillows

'With 13 holidays per year, 2 weeks sick leave, 2 coffee break each day, 4 weeks vacation a year, 80% of ife and health insurance, profit sharing, including various discounts and you still want a salary?'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

37 years in the same position.

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

Work Slave

Between Offices

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

In and Out Sourced.

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

'I was hoping for a better bonus this year.'

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

''A desk job.' That's what they called it at the interview.' 'Same here.' 'SHH!'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

If a moo can rise to the top, so can I.

Get Well Soon and Hurry Back to the Office. . . Before Sharks Eat Your Job

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

'I blame the nothing for something culture.'

'As my subordinate, naturally I expect you to take the heat on things that otherwise would make me uncomfortable.'

'As you go through life, always remember that money isn't everything...Health benefits and stock options are also very important.'

'I'd also like to welcome Henderson here, who joins us through Equal Opportunities for the undead.'

'You call it diversified work experience.. I call it can't hold a job.'

"What other skills do you obtain other than being able to answer interview questions?"

'You'll be broadening up your horizons in a cubicle.'

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'