Employee Benefits Pillows

'Don't worry, guys, the company daycare will be ready to open in less than a month.'

"You're entitled to ten sick days, five personal days and four complete do-overs."

The Case Against Gun Control

"Will I be covered by the same medical benefits plan?"

"And what made you apply for this job besides our free dental care?"

'The company offers paid sick days and dental. No one ever mentioned unconditional love.'

Labor Day '19

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"Staff support"

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

We should take a break. Ron's eyes have turned into spinning rainbow wheels.

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear, I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

Boss's Desk Says No!

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

"Be patient. He'll have to visit the water cooler sooner or later."

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

Business meeting, CEO is dressed strangely as he asks: 'Any questions?'

At first I thought it was just coincidence, but then I realized it corresponded directly to your shift.

'Is that the sweet smell of success or some imitation air freshener?'

Employee won't think about work outside of box