Job Benefit Enthusiast Pillows

'...of course, one of the benefits of working for our company is covering any embryo and egg-freezing needs you may have.'

The Three Wise Queens

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

'I think and work spectacularly well either inside or outside the box.'

Resume Dumpers

'Are you picky about preferring something with a livable wage?'

Vote Progressive: 'It's not the rich, it's people trying to get rich who create new jobs!'

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

'... and finally, to my business partner I leave my corporate parking space.'

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

'It's a demonstration by retired CEOs who refuse to give up their bonuses.'

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

"We got him through a firm of headhunters"

We don't think your 12 million dollar bonus is obscene. We think it's 12 million little ways to say 'I love you.'

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'

"That was a good interview. Do you have any other questions about this company?"

'I do my best work when I'm being paid a huge salary.'

'I see you worked here seven years ago. Don't you have a better reference than that?'

'I received matching offers.'

"I know you're a working dog, Angus. I just don't have anything for you right now."

"I told you they had a tough interview process here."

'W e e e l l . . . my mum says I'm good at testing the patience of saints'

'I warned you not to ask for a shorter work week.'

'You're addicted to big bonuses. But the good news is there's a patch to treat that.'

"That's not all I do. Actually I'm a psychological counselor- gymnast-motivational speaker-relaxation therapist-sex worker."

'Who said honesty is the best policy?'

'I'd love to have whatever job you have left.'

Very well, Mr Potter. I blinked first. You're hired.

"Maybe we apply as a group....crowdsourcing employment."

'...it may be advisable to think of a referee other than your mother.'

'We're with you half way, sir. We'll return our government bailout if we can keep our executive bonuses.'

'We're looking for someone who would be comfortable toiling in obscurity for at least thirty years.'

'I'm going to write a salary figure on this piece of paper. You tell me if it is acceptable or too high.'