Workplace Induction Gifts

It's important to get to know the unspoken rules of office life...

"Right now for your induction. . . the toilets are down there. If you need anything else drop me a line. . ."

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

The best financial decision I ever made.

"Cash, Jordan. That's what separates man from the apes."

"You weren't expecting a walrus, right?"

"National Metaphor Day by the looks of it."

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

Whack-a-mole CEO.

'We're very proud of you, Jenkins. Keep up the good work.'

'Right about here I added a drip coffee maker, with high caffeine premium blend coffee, to the employee break room.'

Meet the new factory manager.

'Being a nobody isn't so bad...You don't have to worry about becoming a has-been.'

'I didn't realize we'd employed a cyber bully in you, Miss Tweedy.'

"You shouldn't do it because I'm telling you to do it. You should do it because I'm telling you I'll fire you if you don't do it."

'I didn't get the salary increase, but I've been moved one parking space closer to the entrance.'

'I'm calling you out, account to account.'

"This is their 'Working Mother of Four' coffee special. They must know what I go through."

Hourglass Dumptruck

'And in addition it seems that he has been eating some of the other children'.

Thanks to an elaborate system of mirrors, every employee at Vecon Industries had a window view.

"Who's the new guy?"

Suggestion box, one for suggestions and one for 'clean' suggestions.

"You'll get an office, a pay increase and a set of bad nicknames from your colleagues."

The rat race

"The firm is always appointed above competence levels, you topped out at paperclip."

'Brilliant job, Rafferty. Advance two cubicles!'

We like to show the endowment to newly tenured professors.

You don't feel very secure working at this place.

"Murray's the guy you replaced. He's decided to fight to get his job back."

Minion of the month

"You'll be head of HR & R, Human Relations and Reductions."

“I don’t know how to put this...but your replacement Chat GBT does.”

"We've agreed we need more workplace kindness. Let's move on to enforcement."