Job Induction Adventure Gifts

"My first day was unusual. There was no one there to show me around so I had to just poke around and familiarise myself with the place."

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

'Dude, touring with a punk rock band was fun, but what I'd really like to do is be CEO of a fortune 500 company.'

Danae's Celebrity Career: 'Don't you know who I am?...I've decided to pursue a career as a celebrity, so I'm developing the basic language skills used in the industry.'

'I'm excited about my new job. I know I have some small shoes to fill.'

We like to show the endowment to newly tenured professors.

"According to your resume, your last three employers are some of the biggest crime families on the eastern seaboard. I don't know what position you've applied for, but welcome to the company."

On his first day as a paramedic Henry suffered Pre-Traumatic Stress Syndrome.

"You cleaned out your desk so efficiently you've been rehired and placed in charge of Housekeeping."

Graduate Job Openings

It's important to get to know the unspoken rules of office life...

Baggage Claim: Anyone Who Knows How To Hot-Wire A Car.

Official in flooded office says: 'A decision on lifting the hosepipe ban will be made in due course.'

' You misread the ad,I'm looking for a light-weight engine.'

"Line one is on line two..."

'Well, that's a new one on me -- a 'bachelor's degree lite'?'

'You can talk the talk and walk the walk. Now let's see if you can stride the ride.'

'I'm starting to see how you might be quite an asset to the firm.'

"I'll be frank - we offered it to Mario Cuomo first, but he turned it down."

"Under experience, your resume states "out of body." Please explain!"

'Some book-keeping, photocopying, general office duties and some danger...'

Janitor on the Job Training.

"I think you want Koreans advice"

Does this mean I'm hired?

Thru these portals pass the most important people in the world. Our inductees.

"Right now for your induction. . . the toilets are down there. If you need anything else drop me a line. . ."

'I've just become self-unemployed.'

"Your opportunities are endless with imagination, hard work, and a different job."

"And what can the Joint Chiefs of Staff do for you today, little girl?"

"Not everyone is cut out for this business but it's a living."