Workplace Improvement Gifts

'Right about here I added a drip coffee maker, with high caffeine premium blend coffee, to the employee break room.'

Workplace bullying.

Things you seldom see: "Right so we're agreed that no one ever reads most of these reports so let's not bother writing them,and those forms are a waste of space so lets just bin them as well."

'Looking for a job with better conditions?'

Thanks to an elaborate system of mirrors, every employee at Vecon Industries had a window view.

"I wouldn't say anything, Elliot, but your mood is affecting everyone in the office."

'Who wants to help me improve morale?'

Suggestion box, one for suggestions and one for 'clean' suggestions.

Hourglass Dumptruck

"It's not just one incident - several of our customers have expressed their concern about your negative vibes."

"Ok, we've emptied the Suggestion Box, and glued them all to the wall. Should we actually read them?"

"They all say pretty much the same thing, 'We need a smaller suggestion box.'"

Suggestions

"We've agreed we need more workplace kindness. Let's move on to enforcement."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

'The BOSS sent me down to help rebuild your faith.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

The trend toward less formal offices began to gain steam.

Oscar would laugh whenever he recalled his empty existence before golf.

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

'What's wrong now?'

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

Trays on desk read, 'Here', 'There' and, 'Neither here nor there.'

'It's a lateral move, you'll now be getting all of Kramer's work too.'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."