Workplace Equity Gifts

'Well sir, it's just that running this place has always been a real team effort, and. . . you know. . . we're just not sure it's fair for you to go around calling yourself THE Devil.'

Businesswoman Empowerment

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

'You say you type 80 words a minute ... Actually, that's not at all important...!'

'It's not fair. Women doing the same job I'm doing in this office are being paid more than I am!'

'I didn't get the promotion. The interviews took place in the men's room.'

'I'd also like to welcome Henderson here, who joins us through Equal Opportunities for the undead.'

'Here are some bonus checks. Distribute them unfairly.'

"That's a very good suggestion, perhaps one of the men would like to make it?"

'You may be the best man for the job, but I have a dozen women who are better qualified.'

'Remember the old days, when all of this was phallocentric?'

"Let me level with you. I am a lecherous, incompetent, alcoholic, overpaid, sexist senior executive. The company has put me in your way to test your countervailing potential."

Women's day - 'work'

Joan hits the glass ceiling: 'Sorry, but I've decided to go with Wally of Arc...'

"No windows, but there's a glass ceiling."

'I can't figure out whether I'm a secretary or an executive - I do executive work, but get secretarial pay.'

"We need to hire a few good men, and by 'men' I mean women and men."

"We've set up a trap. . . I mean, track, for female hires to get to the top."

'What you have to understand, Ms. Titmus, is your glass ceiling is my glass floor.'

'Interesting. Anyone else like to share a 'glass ceiling horror story'?'

The struggle for a decent payment.

'I'll be happy to put my best man on it, Mr. Orton... but my best man happens to be a woman.'

"Finally I've been given some real authority. I get to choose what roast we order."

Male & Female separate company buildings

'You both do equal work, but Hargrove here LOOKS busier.'

"We're looking for someone just like you but with testicles."

"We need to hire more women."

"Personally, Figgis, I'm all in favour of your new gender identity, especially as we can now pay you 30% less."

Where Did My Love Go?

'A ceiling? All this time I thought it was a floor.'

"So we're agreed then - there's no need to make any changes to our equal opportunities employment policies."

Goldilock tried the third chair and it was juuust right.

What to disclose at a job interview

'Why are you only paying me 77% of the amount my male counterparts are getting?'

'At least! I get to find out what's above the glass ceiling!'