Workplace Diversity Gifts

'Of course it isn't a case of sexual discrimination. We just don't think you're the right man for the job.'

'The shareholders want more cultural diversity. Choose a s-man, hai-man and ja-man to replace three yes-men.'

"Hands up anyone who thinks we have a problem with DIVERSITY?"

What to disclose at a job interview

"On a show of hands, do we let Miss Brimshaw into our den."

'I'd also like to welcome Henderson here, who joins us through Equal Opportunities for the undead.'

'Old boy' tells black woman at interview: 'We fully embrace diversity here - we even have a chap who didn't go to Eton.'

"You're eminently qualified for the job, but our diversity policy calls for a yes-woman in this position,"

'I'm sorry, but we don't have a men's room.'

'You aren't actually being replaced by a woman she's going to be doing her old job and yours.'

'I don't want just a bunch of 'yes' men around here! Hire a couple of women!'

"You are adequately qualified, Mr. Harris, but I'm afraid I'll be hiring somebody else as I don't think I can stand looking at your stupid little face all day long."

"We've committed to employing 40% women at senior levels. It's the future, we can't afford to ignore it."

Administrative Assistants.

"For the sake of diversity, this office needs an old-timer."

"The firm is absolutely committed to diversity in its employment policies."

"Our company prides itself on diversity - we block access to people from a whole range of different backgrounds."

"Choosing him is a lot easier since we changed our recruitment policy."

'Quite frankly,Jefferson, we like our people to wobble a little'

At least there's no sex discrimination here.

"HR have asked for figures demonstrating our commitment to diversity."

"We believe great teams thrive on DIVERSITY, so as opposed to the rest of us Colin is as thick as a plank and has the drive of a sloth with an underactive thyroid."

"I mean, do we even have white privilege if we can't skip a diversity training?"

"I expect you all to be team players - except Ted, whom I expect to remain team mascot."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"My email is down... talk to me."

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

Businesswoman Empowerment

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'You see, Brad, I'm not just a highly polished career woman.'

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

Do Not Resuscitate

Bo're'droom

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'