Workplace Communicator Gifts

Does your accountant speak your language?

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

"Any questions?"

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

Covid deniers and anti-vaxxers

"Repeat after me: We are delivering the proactive core value promises and rolling out our real time best practice action plan going forward ..."

"I was going to have my people call his people, but I’m pretty sure his people have Caller I.D."

'Could we finish these negotiations via e-mail? That will allow me to think before I respond to your proposals.'

"Oh! It's you! I was expecting the machine."

"My resume is concise, succinct and eloquently worded. I only hope they know what I'm talking about."

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

"Using worst case scenario as a baseline, I consider this data quite encouraging."

'Boss, it seems like a friendly text, but you've got to learn to read between the emoticons.'

'Who wants the talking stick?'

'I can beat my own drum but it'll be counting on your to toot my horn.'

'That's the new guy. He writes our 'shuck-and-jive' press releases.'

"Abbreviations here, abbreviations there, and one is more incomprehensible than the next!"

"What other skills do you obtain other than being able to answer interview questions?"

Your resume says you were a waiter...

"Yoo hoo, the meeting's over here."

'The Human Right Act bans ANY cruel or unusual treatment...we may need to rewrite our ENTIRE customer care policy!'

'Don't have me beeped, I'll have you beeped.'

"Despite years of management training john still found it difficult to give negative feedback."

"The biopsy on your mole came back negative, which is positive, which is good."

'You said you wanted more responsibility, so I'm making you responsible for everything that goes wrong.'

What the patient heard and what the doctor meant to convey.

'Your proposal sounds interesting. Can you send me a written proposal? I cannot reread a phone call.'

It's like playing hooky...I let my cell phone batteries die!

Bob tried networking – and crashed it.

"I'm really great thanks. The boss loves my ideas, he says I'm ahead of my time!" "Hi John, how are you? Good meeting?"

'I'm fired, am I -- What's that supposed to mean?'

"So no bases are uncovered, Sister Ann gives the sermon to the deaf and Brother Brooks blogs it."

"Take this mission statement and rewrite it so that it sounds like we care about our customers."