Workplace Comic Appreciator Gifts

"I've been thinking, but I'm going to stop."

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

'Yes, can I help you?'

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

'I don't know what he does, but I'm afraid to ask.'

New company policy...next time you miss a meeting I need a note from a doctor or a subpoena from a judge.

'Hey! I sad, 'You've got mail!''

Research and Development: Now, Never.

'Miss Finch, find out what she does over there and offer her twice as much to do it over here.'

"Looks like our days at the think tank are numbered."

"Well, let's quickly put Ken's incredibly incendiary remarks behind us and hopefully continue the discussion in a simmering rage."

'Gerald, it's so nice to see you finally getting closer to your employees.'

Gary misread the new policy on 'Free Thinking' in the work place.

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

Cow being force fed hormones and producing milk.

Indecision and Outrage Trays

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

'Boss, it seems like a friendly text, but you've got to learn to read between the emoticons.'

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

"Oh, I can be dependable, and for another £200 a week, I can be productive too."

"I absolutely guarantee your workloads will not increase."

"To be clear you are willing to labor under misconceptions?"

Dog to hirer: 'I'm a mongrel, and I'll work like one.'

Earl suspends his disbelief.

Management Reshuffle

'I fetch, but it hasn't helped my career any.'

"Missing a call is no excuse for eating your assistant."

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'