Workplace Changes Gifts

Businessman threatening to sack his wife.

"I guess there've been more staff cuts than we thought."

'It's good to be back, Ms. Norton.. did anything important happen while I was away?'

"On Monday, they will introduce a new office layout and you'll be near Judy, who isn't good at sharing her charger. Then you'll finish up a report on whether your client's edgy new marketing tactics have been resonating with the 18-34 demographic. The results will be inconclusive and your boss will say, 'Jared, there'll always be another Instagram-based influence strategy to review,' but she also takes a while to approve your annual leave request and you will suspect that the two are related."

'Since you do the work of three people, we're firing you to create more jobs in this economy.'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

'He got a raise but not enough to help him clear the fence.'

"Be patient. He'll have to visit the water cooler sooner or later."

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

"I need to see your budget proposal."

'Salaries Manager. No.'

"Rolled-up sleeves, no coat, loose tie...it's my casual confrontational look."