Workplace Caricature Fan Gifts

"Here's the feasibility study you wanted, Chief."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

"It's okay to be ambitious but do you dare to pee on my tree, Jackson!"

"You haven't been laid off because you're the designated scapegoat."

"Greetings, Earthling - Are you a worker or a drone?"

'Stevens, get in here. I need a few minutes with the left side of your brain.'

"Of course I believe in diversity. Harlan, here, is an endangered species."

"This just in — I no longer have a job."

"What are your other qualifications besides 'my daddy owns the company'?"

Giving feedback is a complex process.

'That's what I like about you Roberts, you're not afraid to get out there and take a risk.'

'Well, this is a new low - even for you.'

'The good news is we're not laying you off. The bad news is we want you to take a 20-year lunch break without pay.'

'hard work and more hard work got me where I am today...Not my hard work of course.'

"Look at them over there, looking all smug with their clients and accounts and stuff."

'You're not being fired Jenkins. It's just that all our colleagues have booted you out of the company.'

If there is a postive response, say it was my idea

"Was 'delegation' the only thing you learnt on that management course?"

"You can't say that to a customer!"

a crash-test dummy is performing some affirmations before going to work

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'Actually, I haven't done any work for a month due to technical difficulties.'

'That must be the guy from corporate.'

'All of your previous employers said you are very loyal.'

"Anderson, we'd like to talk to you about your stand-offish attitude.'

Now Hiring, 'I was about to ask him if he could work without supervision, when he just wandered away!'

"Come out, Snivers, it's a decent enough redundancy package."

'We're not hiring. The company is just giving me some experience conducting interviews.'