Working Professional Gifts

"It's New York. It wants you back."

"Supermom isn't home right now - she's out fighting for truth, justice and a buck."

"Let me put on my 'working' head."

'Why doesn't anyone ever ask me how I combine marriage and a career?'

'Next time, ask.'

'Well it's about time! My belly needs scratching.'

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

Businesswoman Empowerment

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"My email is down... talk to me."

"This position has become very important to the company."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"It's almost 5 o'clock! Where the hell is my vodka app?!"

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'That's our mission statement.'

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

The Computer Bore

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'