Work Skiver Gifts

"You said to have a Great Day so I skipped work and played golf."

"I've used up all my sick days so I'm calling in dead."

Low-Energy Drinks

'I had no idea aspirin came in such a large bottle.'

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

"I'm too busy to be stressed."

"I think I'll have the businessman's lunch."

'I'm looking for a workaholic who feels the great job he does is compensation enough.'

Time Out For Teddy

'We'll send you to acting class when you're older. For now, get up and get ready for school.'

"What's this I hear about you not having an ulcer?"

"It's tragic to seek how quickly the enthusiasm of youth drains away..."

A new career for George W. Bush: taster in a pretzel factory.

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

Busy day at the office.

"I'm working part time, but I'm hoping that once I finish my master's they'll up my hours to full time."

"I pulled a few strings to get you this job, Simmons. Don't spend your day playing with them."

"I'm great at dodgeball, because I don't show up for gym class."

'It's been a pretty slow day -- What say we knock off a couple hours early?'

'I suppose it was a blessing. Toward the end he was finding it very difficult to remain competitive.'

'We have a diverse work force. We us three different models of robots."

'If you don't have schools on your planet we'd like to go with you!'

This Saturday 10:30 Confessions of a Window Cleaner, Doctor, Nurse, Policeman, Shop Worker, Lollipop Lady, Butcher, Baker, Housewife, Schoolboy...

'Maybe I should change this thing more often...'

...they can't take the factory out of the man - he's off to do some welding.

'You've agreed to work Sundays, haven't you!'

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

'Catch any good mice lately?'

"You are here, but you should be in class!"

"You shouldn't be here. Your dead - and don't have an appointment."

"Welcome to Truancy Prevention 101."

'I had a terrible day. . . but the money was good.'

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

"We know how to treat old or stubborn workers. After all, this is a dog food factory."

"Are you busy or are you at work?"