Work-from-home Humorist Pillows

I mean it in a different sense, but we are also not remotely employable.

I thought I'd try hunting from home, but it's harder than I expected.

Day 1 To Corona. . .

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

Politicians' basements (as seen on TV)

"Eat not of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. Its sources have yet to be verified."

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

"I'm working from home today."

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

"Did you get my tweet?"

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

'When training my son, keep him totally ignorant. I'm grooming him to be VP in-charge-of -denials.'

"I'll have you know that, '#dirtylitterbox' is trending on Twitter."

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

"She looks just like in your photos."

"That's the trouble with cute kittens - they attract a lot of traffic."

Yard Sale

'Oh no! Is this a blogger I saw before me?'

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

Advertising on the internet.

"If he has more than 20 followers on Twitter we call him a 'celebrity'."

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

Twitter that!

Facebook For Dogs.

'Now then, Simpkins. What makes you think you could become a circus clown?'

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

"Can you take a video of me attacking the garbage so I can post it on Instagram?"

'You'll get a promotion when hell freezes over.'

"There is only one thing worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about. Lol. Winky face."

"Great, the end of the world and I'm going to be first on facebook with pictures!!"

'Did you auction off our house on eBay?'

Employment Agency. I didn't hire him -- Those bipedal guys are are afraid to get their hands dirty.