Work-from-home Comedian Pillows

"Excellent company car. Especially if you work from home."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

Politicians' basements (as seen on TV)

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

"Hope you weren't planning on leaving early."

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

'It could have been worse...she might have chosen banking.'

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

"If I had known this was such a great place to work I would have lied more on my resume."

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

"A raise? Unlimited free refills aren't enough for you?"

"I didn't bring a resume. I brought coffee and donuts."

Happy Brithday

"Where do you see yourself getting drunk in five years?"

'I didn't hear you calling. I can't listen to everybody who yells at me.'

"I see the cat's left us another little offering."

"Your resume looks good, but I'm not seeing any DNA data."

"The Internet puts the world at your finger tips."

"I #*#*#* hate gardening, I'd much rather be at work!!"

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

'I didn't have time to cut the lawn, so I used your credit card to have it carpeted. Do you like the cool color I picked out?'

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

'I went into hunting and gathering. And you?'

"And that was my day at the office. Thanks, Alice, you've been a great audience!"

"You're not giving me the job because I'm 'over qualified'? Oh, don't worry, most of those qualifications have been falsified."

"Where do you see yourself after 5 beers?"

Open entrance door to find exit door directly behind it.