Work Ethic Humorist Pillows

"We want supervisors who know noses and never leave a grindstone unturned."

Pounding speeds up the computer.

Ethics exam cheater.

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'Is that the sweet smell of success or some imitation air freshener?'

'No, I'm not stranded. This is the only place I could find that has no distractions.'

'Today is the tomorrow I feared yesterday. . .'

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

'It was going well - until his power suit short-circuited.'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

"I'm trying to lure in Generation X-ers. They're the new sandwich generation. They're sandwiched between caring for their kids and caring for their parents. So they drink lots and lots of coffee."

Ants dressed as businessmen going to work.

'My firm has an entire department that does nothing but adjust for inflation.'

"I can carry more pollen back to the hive that way..."

Employee of the Month Parking

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

Suggestions box in a toilet.

"In accordance with our new 'sharing of responsibilities initiative,' you'll all be responsible for getting my coffee." i

"Well, if you hadn't misfiled it in the first place it wouldn't have been lost."

"By 'dress down day', most of us mean not wearing a jacket!"

'Ask yourself, 'What is it I'm not doing?', and then ask yourself, 'What is it I'm doing too much?'.'

'Everyone's true personality comes out on dress-down Fridays, even the boss's.'

"I was just finishing up some spring cleaning."

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

Go slow delegating authority. First learn how to delegate blame.

'I solve so many work problems at home.'

"Barlow, it's come to my attention that you've called in, 'Playing Possum' 8 days this month."

Performance management: "We decided to get rid of the carrot and keep the stick."

"Just how long has there been a maraschino cherry at the top of the organizational chart?"

"So how did the rest of the team respond to your promotion?"