Wordsmiths Who Plot Gifts

Venus Perjury Trap

Campaign for Plain English

"I didn't finish the proof but I did write this poem about my struggle."

Reading my Critics

"That was totally....what's the word I'm looking for?"

"My preferred pronoun is they."

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

'There it is, 'Twerk', right next to 'Twerp'.'

Ruddy bloggers!

"Still suffering from writer's block?"

Nevermore. You don't have to use "air quoths" every time.

'He was a great writer'

Jorge Luis Borges

"O.K., she's sitting fown to write in three...two....one...."

"I lost some intellectual property here last night. Anybody remember what the hell I was talking about?"

THE REPORT: Some of this is brilliant, but that can be fixed.

"Your appendix is fine. It's your glossary I'm worried about."

'They call me Portugese Man of War, but I'm really just a jellyfish of love.'

'Not now, dear, I'm trying to listen to the Muse.'

"Swing me with your words."

'Ed is a man of few words. And few letters.'

"Caption contest"

Bee to bee: 'We used buzzwords before they were trendy.'

"I'm a great ... umm... like ... umm... like... umm ... communicator."

'I don't like to brag, but I'm the guy who coined the phrase, 'Honey, I'm Home'.'

"I know R&D feels that the product warrants at least two 'really'."

I often thought that I should have been a weaver of words,someone who danced and sang his way into peoples souls and through my imagination led others into a world of dreams and intoxicating revelry...But auditing offered a much better pension.

Book publishing.

"But you didn't say they had to make sense - you just told us to write a thousand words a day."

Accountant Manqué

'We're looking for something that captures the zeitgeist of the nation...you know, the Great American Tweet.'

'This is all without rhyme or reason.'

"My creative writing professor suggested that I write about what I know...from my own experience!"

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.