Wordsmiths Who Love A Good Hair Pun Pillows

"Oops. Uh-oh. Cripes."

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

Carpool lane (a car driving into a long pool).

Operation Chrome Dome.

Ghost Scare-apy Sessions

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

'Wait till the big dumb nut gets home and finds out he's got a wig.'

You're Out Of Order

'According to his will, Tiddles left the bulk of his estate to himself. Because, he still has eight lives left.'

It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together. Amanda Kern. Comics Counseling. You hear that, you old battle-axe? Yeah, I hear that, you old coot. That'll be $150.

Weather forecast

It's not a stampede … It's a flash mob!

"Your four-o'clock is here."

'Just the usual, thanks.'

"He only wears it this time of the year. It's his har-vest."

Smart people learn from experience - other peoples'.

"Huston, we have a bad hairday problem!"

Nicky Clarke sheep shearer

"You want mechanical engineering down the hall. This is maniacal engineering."

'I use that to check for combovers.'

'I have a proceeding hairline. It runs in my family. . .'

Amino acid. Shampoo with amino acid, I said, not battery acid.

'I can't come out and play because I'm in 'Time-Out.' Although here at Grandma's it's more like 'Time-Out Lite.' '

"Ugh...I hate tailgators."

"Are you a blowfish, or did you just hold a sneeze?"

Pearls Before Swine is not a terribly savvy name

'There's a gentleman here for a cleaning, Doctor. It's unclear whose.'

"His schlock has gravitas."

'And when they were only half the way up they were neither up nor down!'

Michelangelo's less-celebrated follow-up, 'Dan'.

Mutant Moontunes - Fringeless Nigel

"And this is Paul - he's in charge of our TikToks..."

Malcolm Muggeridge

I was bitten by a radioactive bedbug – My superpower is getting a solid eight hours of sleep every night. Wow. So lucky.