Woodpecker Enthusiast T-Shirts

"You might want to save some of this rage for your woodpecking."

'The proliferation of bird watchers make me more and more self-conscious...'

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"Finches, don't look now, but there's a creepy guy staring at our beaks."

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"When is my next parole hearing?"

'Since I'm new here, let's start by clearning the air. You may have noticed that I'm short for a C.E.O. . .'

Sign in tree from bird "next appearance 3:00 pm"

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

They try, but those crows can't make noises they used to. The lost caws!

'You know too much!'

"Just kick back and enjoy this. These are the nest years of our lives!"

"This has nothing to do with you ... this is between us and the tree."

Pigeon Little

"They communicate through clicks and taps."

How about going easy on the carbs

So you're a mocking bird...

'Son, it's time we had that little talk about ornithology and entomology.'

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

Cat tries to reach a birdfeeder on stilts.

Canada Goose Jackets

'You're not supposed to catch them!'

"It started rather well, but then, you sang two wrong notes, so that's a fail in my book. Try again at the next mating season..."

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

Wanted For Bird Watching: Reward

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'What was that?!' 'A 'Mach'-ing bird.'

'Will you please stop feeding the pigeons?!'

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

"Did you get my tweet?"

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

'I got tired of wet feet all the time.'

"Just don’t tell the other vultures. I’ll never hear the end of it."

Spring Training

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'