Woodpecker Enthusiast T-Shirts

"You might want to save some of this rage for your woodpecking."

'The proliferation of bird watchers make me more and more self-conscious...'

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"Finches, don't look now, but there's a creepy guy staring at our beaks."

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"When is my next parole hearing?"

'Since I'm new here, let's start by clearning the air. You may have noticed that I'm short for a C.E.O. . .'

Sign in tree from bird "next appearance 3:00 pm"

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

"This has nothing to do with you ... this is between us and the tree."

'You know too much!'

"Just kick back and enjoy this. These are the nest years of our lives!"

Pigeon Little

"They communicate through clicks and taps."

How about going easy on the carbs

So you're a mocking bird...

'Son, it's time we had that little talk about ornithology and entomology.'

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

Canada Goose Jackets

"It started rather well, but then, you sang two wrong notes, so that's a fail in my book. Try again at the next mating season..."

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

"Did you get my tweet?"

"Just don’t tell the other vultures. I’ll never hear the end of it."

'You're not supposed to catch them!'

'I got tired of wet feet all the time.'

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'Will you please stop feeding the pigeons?!'

Cat tries to reach a birdfeeder on stilts.

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

'What was that?!' 'A 'Mach'-ing bird.'

Spring Training

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

'I suppose you want Polly to forget she heard that.'