Woke Warriors Gifts

"Don't worry, Emily. . . I'm woke and you're woke, so I'm sure our baby will turn out woke!"

'We use to tiptoe through the tulips. . . now we just waddle through the weeds.'

Politically Correct Snowperson

"It's true: no more burpees."

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

"Matthew, did we agree to adopt a whale?"

"Can I still do my pilates?"

"We missed you at church Sunday."

Zumbie: Zumba for zombies.

"I have to get down to 125 pounds before I go back to my real gym."

'Our short-term solution is money. Our long-term solution is more money.'

Man climbs a ladder only to find the word HELP.

"It had to go - there were historical links with slavery."

Advanced aerobicizers wait till after class to aid the fallen.

" ... and if we finish pillaging early enough, we can still catch the evening Zumba class on the after deck."

There's a popular new health spa down there. The endorphins are having a blast in aerobics. Antibodies are learning kickboxing and the adrenaline is getting some much needed relaxation in the yoga studio. The only problem is the water molecules. Everybody is concerned about them! What's wrong? They haven't been seen since they went into the sauna!

"Why settle for itsy-bitsy when you could be swole as hell?"

'Life isn't fair! Most of the stuff I worried about over the years never even happened!'

'Say, aren't those the same weeds that came up last year?'

'My micro is so good it's beginning to grow into the macro.'

'Keep fit.'

"It used to be that if you worried about unseen forces you were considered paranoid. Now you're a security expert."

'That's our group plan.'

Woke and wonderful

'C'Mon ladies, work that bovine!'

"Makes you feel kind of proud, doesn't it?"

"Dang it."

"That's not the motivational reward I had in mind."

Muscular Santa

Aerobics Class. Trainer. What is your body telling you? We're not on speaking terms right now.

Elevator is now equipped with stairclimber exercise machine.

"And a 'good morning' to you, too"

"Smacked down by reality in 24 seconds."

Death to Stultophobia

"MMPHH. . . I said I don't think I'm built for yoga!"