Wokeness Warrior Gifts

"You WOKE me, you wonderful pure at heart, romantic, sexy beast of a man! I was dreaming I was CANCELLED!"

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

Politically Correct Snowperson

Back to work...

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

Say balls to testicular cancer, remember to check your crown jewels regularly.

'No need to yell son, I may be deaf, but I can still read.'

"It had to go - there were historical links with slavery."

"Don't worry, Emily. . . I'm woke and you're woke, so I'm sure our baby will turn out woke!"

"Do you have any working capital?"

A Successful Wedding Party Returns From the Hunt

'Misery is sleeping in late on Saturday morning then realizing it's only Wednesday...'

'That stuff kills 98% of household germs, but leaves the remaining 2% limping around enough to maintain your resistance.'

'All this knowledge going into my head, through my eyes and out the window to float forever in space.'

Unhappy, Happy, and Well Being Consultant Theatre Masks.

"Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!"

I'm Aging Gracefully...so SHUT UP!!!

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

"...and you've got private use of it, so long as you don't exceed 10,000 mile per annum.'

'You know full well, your gastric band won't work if you keep eating spaghetti like that!'

Woke and wonderful

"B*gger! Another victim of white male privilege."

'The nicotine patch should get you off the nicotine gum.'

'Aunt Joan and Uncle Wally took Luci to the emergency room.'

'I've decided to give up giving up!'

Organic farm

"Dang it."

"Dear Bad-Karma, to assist you at this busy time, I've drawn up a list of people you may have missed."

"Watch him. His body says Monday but his face says Friday."

"Sealed for your diets protection."

'Remember, my son -- the longest journey begins with a single slither.'

'Jenkins came back from his vacation a little too decompressed.'

'The good news is that I managed to install the wind turbine...'

"Look at it this way -- in three years your roof could leak."