Witty Wellness Warriors Gifts

'...Or, in layman's terms, Ay caramba!'

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Self help acupuncture

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'Well, well, well...'

"Your contents have shifted."

Be Healthy

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

"Another one so relaxed, she couldn't walk out of here."

Hot Pie Therapy

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

Emergency numbers on a telephone.

"Breathe in and reimagine yourself in a world where you lived a healthy lifestyle."

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

FIGHT STRESS: Walk-A-Thon

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

Couples Massage: "Did you remember the body oil?"

"I told him he should have trained more."

Shrinks in heaven

"You're in perfect health and look half your age – I'm prescribing something to help you shut up about it."

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

Healthy living has added years to Melvin's life.

Burnout Syndrome...

'C'mon, c'mon! I want to be the first one on the stair-climbing machine!'

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

"Can I still do my pilates?"

Making healthy substitutions at mealtime

'What are you eating now?'

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

Traditional vs alternative medicine.

'Mom, do I have to hold my plank through desert, too?'