Witty Weight Watcher Pillows

Successful dieting is just a matter of finding the right diet.

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'For heaven's sake, Lois, when are you going to give up this mad dieting of yours?' (woman falls through drain).

"Wow - Heavy, man"

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

'Take one of these diet pills every time you regain consciousness.'

"Yes, if that towel weighs 25 lbs that would explain the reading."

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

Woman weighing herself while holding balloons

'How long has it been shaking like a bowl full of jelly when you laugh?'

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

"Look, I can still fit into the suit I wore during the last paradigm shift."

'Don't step on that in your bare feet - my mom does and screams.'

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

Scales

Fat man on scales.

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

No matter what I do, I still look more like a 'before' picture than an 'after' picture.

"Well, Mr Eagle, coming to see me is the first positive step to get you to soar again..."

Weight Gain Denial

'Will we ever get a morning-after pill for over-eating?'

Full fatHalf fatVirtually fat free.

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

'Oh, for heaven sake, Emily. . . stop cheating and just go on a diet like everyone else!!!'

Snake liposuction.