Weight Watchers Pillows

"Look, I can still fit into the suit I wore during the last paradigm shift."

"I said, I'm on a garlic diet. So far, I've lost 5 pounds and 12 friends."

'To make matter worse, our combined weight is higher than our credit score.'

'Here, hold my dentures.'

'Don't step on that in your bare feet - my mom does and screams.'

'Does the suicide clause apply if he eats himself to death?'

'Well my lightest ever was 7lbs 4oz. . .'

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

Portions of a thin and fat man.

'Will we ever get a morning-after pill for over-eating?'

Show down between woman and weighing machine.

'Don't rush me. I'm adding up the calories!'

'I'm giving you a powerful muscle relaxant -- that way, you won't be able to chew anything for awhile.'

'She was always very proud of her figure.'

"How can we be overweight? We eat like birds."

City Health Club - Ask about our no more than necessary exercise class.

The hand's gone around twice.

"I've been standing here all day, but there's no change!"

'Doris, I know how much you weigh. Step on the scale and I'll hand you the fish.'

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

"Holy cow! I've gained eight pounds!"

"Does this mean we won't be seeing you at the overweight encounter groups anymore?"

"You don't tip them you bribe them!"

"I told her not to go on a diet! No way that eagle could have snatched her before..."

Slimming World

"How's the diet going?"

"I remember the days of skim, 1% and even 2%. Now, it's right to the whole milk section."

'When I get off, it keeps talking!'

"My face looks slightly less fat today", "GET OUT, MURDERER!!!"

Clancy: Wishful Shrinking

'I'm on this 3 month diet...it only lasts a week, but it feels like 3 months.'

'Sorry, but you can't drive in the HOV lane because you've gained ten pounds.'

Your weight and fortune. What you'll weigh now...what you'll weigh 10 years from now.

'Darling, remember all the weight you inexplicably lost from your stomach?'

Another session of the lunch-hour scientists...