Witty Quote Enthusiast Pillows

'Life is like a box of chocolate laxatives!' - Forest Grump

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

"Touché"

"Tia Carmen, did you ever wish summer was over...so you could be in school?"

"I've been reading a book of famous quotations. It's amazing how many are by a famous Greek named Anonymous."

'Quotes, woof, woof, woof, woof, closed quotes.'

To paraphrase Humphrey Bogart in "Casablanca," "Of all the comic strips in all the newspapers in all the world, you walk into mine." ? ? ?

"I love this time of year."

Frog Prince thinks: 'A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horsefly.'

"If all you have is a whatchamacallit then every problem looks like a thingamajig."

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure."

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"

A lesson in wit

'I inherited therefore I am'

My army drill instructors license plate is HUP-2-3-4.

Know-it-alls

"Yeah, I know why you pulled me over. But, c'mon. I'm down to half a pack a day and I'm tryin' to quit."

Spiv

'Yeah, but tomorrow I'll be sober, and you'll still be a giraffe!'

"At work, they call me benchmark."

Tom Bowler

'I'm having trouble with drinking. . . I'm getting Arthritis in my elbow.'

"Son, talk loudly and carry a big shtick.

'With Myrna and I, it was love at first slight.'

Fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice, you may be qualified to go to law school!

"Will you please stop quoting Gertrude Stein

If I may paraphrase an old saying, "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to urinate like racehorses." ! !

"Did you say something? I thought I heard a sound bite."

"Can I have a knife and fork, please."

Advertising makes you crave things you never knew existed.

Your honor, would you please instruct the witness to stop texting on his cell phone during my cross-examination? I would, but I'm the person he's texting.

What did you see when you looked into my eyes, doctor? Two limpid pools. But I'm trying to control myself.

You don't need to use air quotes for your own words, Mr. Lincoln.