Witty Commentary Enthusiast Pillows

'I think I preferred the old office parties.'

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

Nature is going crazy! Extremely hot summers, tornadoes, floods. . .and now Frank comes home sober on a Friday evening at 10 PM!

The Thinker. The Listener

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

Beggar tosses money to the 1%.

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure."

"Social distancing has really changed things at the office. In some ways it's really improved relationships with colleagues. For instance..."

A lesson in wit

'You cant do anything these days without someone suspecting your motives. . . there is only one way out. . . inaction.'

Bank Cuts Jobs. . . Employees in Need!

'Twigs... great, that'll be comfortable.'

Do you believe in money at first sight?

'Yeah, but tomorrow I'll be sober, and you'll still be a giraffe!'

"I work all winter on my beach body, and everyone still stares at you!"

The tree of liberty can survive only so much grafting.

"Yeah, I know why you pulled me over. But, c'mon. I'm down to half a pack a day and I'm tryin' to quit."

Know-it-alls

People want as much government as they deserve.

"At work, they call me benchmark."

'With Myrna and I, it was love at first slight.'

"He's a good boy, but he sheds like crazy."

People with anything valuable to say rarely become orators.

"Well, it's only one glass after dinner darling!"

Ever Wonder Why 37& of Americans Prefer Socialism?

'you should know my wife thinks I'm stupid.'

If I may paraphrase an old saying, "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to urinate like racehorses." ! !

'That concludes my prepared remarks. I'll take questions that fit my prepared answers.'

"Once you get past the divine right of kings, I'm not much into theology."

"He's checking the math for political correctness."

'I think I've solved my drinking problem.'

'Never mind dear, at least you cut him with your razor sharp wit.'

"I just got accepted to Yale." "I'd jump up and down for joy but my boobs are just way too big for that nonsense."

"Thanks, but no thanks -- Valentines just lead to the hard stuff."

CSI: Low Budget Version