Witty Commentary Enthusiast Pillows

'I think I preferred the old office parties.'

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

Nature is going crazy! Extremely hot summers, tornadoes, floods. . .and now Frank comes home sober on a Friday evening at 10 PM!

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

Beggar tosses money to the 1%.

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure."

'You cant do anything these days without someone suspecting your motives. . . there is only one way out. . . inaction.'

A lesson in wit

"Social distancing has really changed things at the office. In some ways it's really improved relationships with colleagues. For instance..."

'Twigs... great, that'll be comfortable.'

Know-it-alls

The tree of liberty can survive only so much grafting.

Do you believe in money at first sight?

'Yeah, but tomorrow I'll be sober, and you'll still be a giraffe!'

"I work all winter on my beach body, and everyone still stares at you!"

"Yeah, I know why you pulled me over. But, c'mon. I'm down to half a pack a day and I'm tryin' to quit."

People want as much government as they deserve.

"At work, they call me benchmark."

People with anything valuable to say rarely become orators.

'you should know my wife thinks I'm stupid.'

'With Myrna and I, it was love at first slight.'

"Well, it's only one glass after dinner darling!"

"He's a good boy, but he sheds like crazy."

'That concludes my prepared remarks. I'll take questions that fit my prepared answers.'

"Once you get past the divine right of kings, I'm not much into theology."

"He's checking the math for political correctness."

'I never know when you're joking!'

'I think I've solved my drinking problem.'

"Thanks, but no thanks -- Valentines just lead to the hard stuff."

'Never mind dear, at least you cut him with your razor sharp wit.'