Witty Comment Enthusiast Pillows

"Look Tom, I love your pithy take on pop culture, it's just the rest of you that I despise."

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"Touché"

Nature is going crazy! Extremely hot summers, tornadoes, floods. . .and now Frank comes home sober on a Friday evening at 10 PM!

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

"I love this time of year."

Beggar tosses money to the 1%.

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure."

A lesson in wit

'You cant do anything these days without someone suspecting your motives. . . there is only one way out. . . inaction.'

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"

"Social distancing has really changed things at the office. In some ways it's really improved relationships with colleagues. For instance..."

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

'Twigs... great, that'll be comfortable.'

Do you believe in money at first sight?

Know-it-alls

"I work all winter on my beach body, and everyone still stares at you!"

"Yeah, I know why you pulled me over. But, c'mon. I'm down to half a pack a day and I'm tryin' to quit."

My army drill instructors license plate is HUP-2-3-4.

'Yeah, but tomorrow I'll be sober, and you'll still be a giraffe!'

The tree of liberty can survive only so much grafting.

Spiv

People want as much government as they deserve.

'you should know my wife thinks I'm stupid.'

"At work, they call me benchmark."

"Can I have a knife and fork, please."

People with anything valuable to say rarely become orators.

"Well, it's only one glass after dinner darling!"

'With Myrna and I, it was love at first slight.'

'I'm having trouble with drinking. . . I'm getting Arthritis in my elbow.'

Tom Bowler

"He's a good boy, but he sheds like crazy."

'Sorry, I don't carry cash, I'm married!'