Witty Chat-up Aficionados Pillows

'What a coincidence!! I just recently completed a study on the possibilities of hell freezing over!!'

'If you must know, yes, I do sometimes fake purring.'

'Mom can I have another apple?'

A lesson in wit

'Yeah, but tomorrow I'll be sober, and you'll still be a giraffe!'

"At work, they call me benchmark."

'I just got off the phone with my long-time writing partner who's bringing over my deathbed confessional masterpiece. In the meantime, who's up for some idle chit-chat? How about all this rain we've been getting, huh?!"

"What?! You didn't say nuthin' about this bein' a yo' mam joke battle!"

'Sorry, I don't carry cash, I'm married!'

Pete's trying to groom himself"

"Hi. I'm Steve. I see you here all the time."

'Why Mr.Jones.. Is that you playing FTSE with me under the table? '

'The wife and I have decided to nominate our weekly drink-free days as tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.'

"Nice shirt. Is it made of boyfriend material?"

'As soon as we exchaged vows we started exchanging barbs.'

'If you are a complete pessimist does it mean you are positively negative!'

Airport Literature

'Is that Nat with a G?'

'Listen! If it is a secret, don't tell me: I tend to repeat everything out loud over and over again...'

'I called it first!'

"Quick, let me through. I'm a gossip."

'You've had enough to drink when you feel sophisticated and can't pronounce it.'

"I'm not quite sure what the artist is trying to say here!"

'...Hi. Just called to say I ate a bag of chips.'

"How about I give you a black eye?"

'Why do we always talk about this stuff?'

"Wanna go for a ride on the trouser snake?"

"I normally don't celebrate the end of winter, but this year I decided I hate cold weather."

"Stop bleating, it's all ewe,ewe,ewe!"

"We did find a creative bone in your body, but it was very untalented."

'I don't think of you as a sex object, Irene -- I think of you as two sex objects!'