Witty Chat-up Aficionados Pillows

'What a coincidence!! I just recently completed a study on the possibilities of hell freezing over!!'

I thought I was proposing to Sally, but evidently I was challenging her to a twenty year series of debates.

'If you must know, yes, I do sometimes fake purring.'

Twice a year, Uncle Mort and Sadie Cohen have an official relationship talk. While this biannual conversation is scheduled by mutual consent under long-standing treaty, some participants engage grudgingly. Let's talk about our feelings. I don't feel like it. That's not a feeling, Snookums! Loophole!

'Mom can I have another apple?'

A lesson in wit

"I'm sorry, Doctor, when you said benign growth, I thought you were referring to my husband."

'Yeah, but tomorrow I'll be sober, and you'll still be a giraffe!'

"At work, they call me benchmark."

Pete's trying to groom himself"

"What?! You didn't say nuthin' about this bein' a yo' mam joke battle!"

'Sorry, I don't carry cash, I'm married!'

'I just got off the phone with my long-time writing partner who's bringing over my deathbed confessional masterpiece. In the meantime, who's up for some idle chit-chat? How about all this rain we've been getting, huh?!"

Your honor, would you please instruct the witness to stop texting on his cell phone during my cross-examination? I would, but I'm the person he's texting.

"Hi. I'm Steve. I see you here all the time."

'Why Mr.Jones.. Is that you playing FTSE with me under the table? '

'The wife and I have decided to nominate our weekly drink-free days as tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.'

"Nice shirt. Is it made of boyfriend material?"

'As soon as we exchaged vows we started exchanging barbs.'

'If you are a complete pessimist does it mean you are positively negative!'

Airport Literature

'I called it first!'

'...Hi. Just called to say I ate a bag of chips.'

Fireside Chat with: Recession Man! (A superhero who comes to the aid of gals distressed by tough economic times). It's the middle of summer, Recession Man. So. R. Why are we having a fireside chat? Shouldn't we be somewhere cooler? The dancing flames pick up the light in your eyes. But I'm hot. It's hot in here. Take off your outer layer. Tomorrow: Recession man saves the day.

"I'm not quite sure what the artist is trying to say here!"

"Quick, let me through. I'm a gossip."

'You've had enough to drink when you feel sophisticated and can't pronounce it.'

'Is that Nat with a G?'

'Listen! If it is a secret, don't tell me: I tend to repeat everything out loud over and over again...'

"How about I give you a black eye?"

'Why do we always talk about this stuff?'

"Wanna go for a ride on the trouser snake?"

"I normally don't celebrate the end of winter, but this year I decided I hate cold weather."

"Stop bleating, it's all ewe,ewe,ewe!"

"We did find a creative bone in your body, but it was very untalented."