Witness Protection Enthusiast T-Shirts

'You can't join the Federal Witness Protection program just to keep your friends from seeing your bald spot.'

'OK, now let's be careful out there.'

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

'I guess my brain just started to really care about itself.'

On the brink.

"Could you all please pay attention while I go through the emergency procedure. . ."

'You're right. Our old safety files have become a safety concern.'

Two people in hazmat suits lie in bed

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

"Helmet, check. Harness, check. Knee and elbow pads, check. You may now push the swing."

Privacy - Surveillance

'I tell you what: If it weren't for the headrest, I would have serious whiplash right now...'

Job Safety - Pumpkin.

Caution signs.

Daddy showed me why I should always wear my bicycle helmet!

Mother hen driving with 'Eggs on Board' sign.

Health and safety notice falling on builder.

"Now that's a great number if you want to be protected from the entire environment."

'News headline: Britain unsafe to bring up young children.'

"I think I found a location for our vacation."

'So, how bad is it? Who can bring me up to speed?'

'Yeah, the job's got great benefits, but mainly I like the safe work environment.'

'Not without your helmet, you're not!'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

'Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to our new 'health and safety' officer.'

'My mum drives me to school. She says it isn't safe to walk with all the cars.'

'Who stuck corks on all the cursors?'

'Notice the nice safety feature...crash-proof bumpers!'

Hunters wait at the bottom of a ski jump ramp.

"I have to wear a bike helmet all the time after Mommie heard cars kill more pedestrians than cyclists!"

Wear a helmet