Witness Protection Enthusiast T-Shirts

'You can't join the Federal Witness Protection program just to keep your friends from seeing your bald spot.'

'OK, now let's be careful out there.'

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

'I guess my brain just started to really care about itself.'

'You're right. Our old safety files have become a safety concern.'

On the brink.

Baby on board.

"Could you all please pay attention while I go through the emergency procedure. . ."

Two people in hazmat suits lie in bed

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

"Helmet, check. Harness, check. Knee and elbow pads, check. You may now push the swing."

Privacy - Surveillance

'I tell you what: If it weren't for the headrest, I would have serious whiplash right now...'

Caution signs.

Job Safety - Pumpkin.

Mother hen driving with 'Eggs on Board' sign.

Health and safety notice falling on builder.

Daddy showed me why I should always wear my bicycle helmet!

'Whoa! This was supposed to be an easy merit badge!'

"Now that's a great number if you want to be protected from the entire environment."

'News headline: Britain unsafe to bring up young children.'

"I think I found a location for our vacation."

'So, how bad is it? Who can bring me up to speed?'

'Yeah, the job's got great benefits, but mainly I like the safe work environment.'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

'Not without your helmet, you're not!'

'Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to our new 'health and safety' officer.'

Darn it - Every time I try to text, my smart car pulls to the side of the road.

'My mum drives me to school. She says it isn't safe to walk with all the cars.'

'Notice the nice safety feature...crash-proof bumpers!'

'Who stuck corks on all the cursors?'

No Smoking.

"I've got a wall I need to get to, officer."