Wise Old Owl Gifts

'Our little 'birds and bees' talk went really well. I learned quite a lot.'

'Of course you're a failure! Look at you - seventy-two and you've never had a mid-life crisis!'

A treasure map shows you all the roads without tolls.

Overworked in the office

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

Saguaro Cactus Regrets.

Busy day at the office.

Psychologist is SHOCKED by what his elderly patent is telling him.

Lost and Profound.

"Baldo, credit cards are a terrible idea! Take it from someone who has 10 of 'em."

'Psychoanalysis is passé. I suggest we ask for asylum in France.'

On Holiday

"Things will get bad... then there will be an election... then things will get worse."

"You should do something brilliant, before it's too late."

Time to Call Workaholics Anonymous.

'Are you our new glue-ru?'

'There's no charge for the advice and wisdom, but I would eventually like those jumper cables returned!'

'It will save us time if you don't tell me what still works and and what doesn't hurt.'

'No, even I don't know the secret of golf.'

'The 20th century wasn't bad, but I preferred the 19th. I'm open minded for the 21st.'

Bad times for retirees.

Bucket List Coffee Shop - "Where Seniors Get Big Ideas!"

'He's a successful investment advisor.'

"I got the bagel less everythinged, and that has made all the difference."

"The Meaning of Life is to take advantage of opportunities."

"You must learn to fight temptation: the only businesses open at night tend to be bars and nightclubs..."

Garbage is a collector's item.

"Relax, at your age it's perfectly natural to make groaning noises every time you move a body part."

"You're not old. You just have more leeway to scold strangers, and their kids, and feel good about it."

"I tried shutting my mouth and opening my mind, but then I remembered it's better to give than to receive."

'Hear no evil. See no evil. Do no evil'

"Don't bother complaining about anything to granddad...he'll just say 'these are the best days of your life!!!'"