Wise Old Owl Gifts

'Our little 'birds and bees' talk went really well. I learned quite a lot.'

'Of course you're a failure! Look at you - seventy-two and you've never had a mid-life crisis!'

A treasure map shows you all the roads without tolls.

Overworked in the office

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

Aging Support Group

Saguaro Cactus Regrets.

Busy day at the office.

Psychologist is SHOCKED by what his elderly patent is telling him.

Lost and Profound.

"Baldo, credit cards are a terrible idea! Take it from someone who has 10 of 'em."

"Things will get bad... then there will be an election... then things will get worse."

On Holiday

'Psychoanalysis is passé. I suggest we ask for asylum in France.'

"You should do something brilliant, before it's too late."

Time to Call Workaholics Anonymous.

'Are you our new glue-ru?'

'It will save us time if you don't tell me what still works and and what doesn't hurt.'

'There's no charge for the advice and wisdom, but I would eventually like those jumper cables returned!'

'The 20th century wasn't bad, but I preferred the 19th. I'm open minded for the 21st.'

'No, even I don't know the secret of golf.'

Bad times for retirees.

'He's a successful investment advisor.'

Bucket List Coffee Shop - "Where Seniors Get Big Ideas!"

"I got the bagel less everythinged, and that has made all the difference."

Garbage is a collector's item.

I always figured that when I got old I'd have all the answers -- and then they revised the test!

"The Meaning of Life is to take advantage of opportunities."

"You're not old. You just have more leeway to scold strangers, and their kids, and feel good about it."

"You must learn to fight temptation: the only businesses open at night tend to be bars and nightclubs..."

"Relax, at your age it's perfectly natural to make groaning noises every time you move a body part."

"I tried shutting my mouth and opening my mind, but then I remembered it's better to give than to receive."

"Don't bother complaining about anything to granddad...he'll just say 'these are the best days of your life!!!'"