Wise Child Pillows

"I get you have overnight delivery, but what's your return policy?"

A treasure map shows you all the roads without tolls.

"Someday she'll solve the world's problems."

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

Saguaro Cactus Regrets.

'Dad, what is peace?'

"To listen to your instincts, press one."

Lost and Profound.

"Someday when you have a kid of your own and you feel the urge to arbitrarily say no just because you can, you'll understand."

'Sometimes I think about getting away from all this and get a job as a cab driver in New York city...'

'Wow! - Your diary is even more boring than MY diary!'

"Things will get bad... then there will be an election... then things will get worse."

On Holiday

"You should do something brilliant, before it's too late."

'It will save us time if you don't tell me what still works and and what doesn't hurt.'

'There's no charge for the advice and wisdom, but I would eventually like those jumper cables returned!'

Guru in a maze.

'Of course you're a failure! Look at you - seventy-two and you've never had a mid-life crisis!'

'No, even I don't know the secret of golf.'

Bad times for retirees.

Bucket List Coffee Shop - "Where Seniors Get Big Ideas!"

"I got the bagel less everythinged, and that has made all the difference."

"The Meaning of Life is to take advantage of opportunities."

"You must learn to fight temptation: the only businesses open at night tend to be bars and nightclubs..."

Actually, I'm not really a guru...

"Relax, at your age it's perfectly natural to make groaning noises every time you move a body part."

"You're not old. You just have more leeway to scold strangers, and their kids, and feel good about it."

'As I see it, Pinocchio was motivated by a need to prove himself, while both Hansel and Gretel were driven by an inborn rebelliousness.'

'Hear no evil. See no evil. Do no evil'

"Don't bother complaining about anything to granddad...he'll just say 'these are the best days of your life!!!'"