Winery Dazzler T-Shirts

'Mmm... the bouquet flickers around the nose like butterflies sweetly scented by the shower from a the milk of a goddesses breasts.'

Pete Townshend Vineyards

The Vineyard

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

Bubbly

Wine enthusiast tries to make his way to Cork.

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

'Toast'

'It has to breathe for exactly 22 minutes; then I can pour you a glass - right after the sacrifice.'

Portfolio, 2011

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

The virtual wine tasting was a big success

'There's over 500,000 different wines? Bernie, we've got work to do!'

'Well, we turned water into wine. Anyone remember how?'

A high wire act walks over to a bottle of wine.

'I'd recommend the white wine.'

'Did you hear? We have a new slogan: Artisan-crafted wine made the old-world way.'

"He changed water into wine!"

"To tourists this just looks like a pile of rotten and damaged grapes. But here at Trendy Vineyards, we look at it and see Special Select Reserve."

'Only the years when the market was bullish...'

'What have you got in the way of an imported red that has a label that doesn't look like my cat drew it?'

"Do you have something for somebody with no palette, no taste and no money?"

'I think we can skip the resume.'

'Sorry, but I won't discuss my financial portfolio on a first date.'

Wine Party

Two champagne bottles fight in a headlock

'Really, Bob, the Wine Fairy?'