Wine Menu Explorer T-Shirts

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

The Vineyard

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

"We're hoping for a really smooth wine here."

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'Ooo! The dog food sounds good! ... mind you, I always have that at home.'

'This is the last time we hire former Cirque du Soleil members as stompers.'

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"I'm getting red fruits, earth tones, and oak. Amen."

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

"I believe you'll like our company. We pay our employees time and a fifth."

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

Coffee Menu

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

Portfolio, 2011

'Whatever he's eating.'

Coffee

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'