Wine List Explorer T-Shirts

'I can take your full-bottle order - he only handles splits.'

In the Guru District

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

"We're hoping for a really smooth wine here."

'This is the last time we hire former Cirque du Soleil members as stompers.'

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

"I'm getting red fruits, earth tones, and oak. Amen."

Wine taster with mineral water

An Excellent Nose for Wine.

'I'm doing a wine tasting course, it's fascinating. . .'

'Now forget that I'm your boss and the CEO. How does my new product idea, Just the Lees, taste?'

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

'My husband will order the wine. He happens to be a graduate of the 3-Second Master of Wine program.'

"My word, this really is impressive! Lots of people have a personal trainer but a personal wine advisor, wow!"

"Soy milk and rice milk are okay but I prefer grape milk.".

"At last! Something that goes well with us!"

'The bouquet is reminiscent of rubber nose - but then, it always is...'

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

"I'm getting a lot of burnt notes."

'That's a tough question. I suppose I should be served with a dry red.'

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

Pat's Bar, Rotgut Tasting 5-7.

Wine: New & Old!!!

'The statue of David? I thought you said Mogen David.'

"Can you recommend a suitable white wine to drink with my red wine?"

'Ahh, the '74 Amarone. Unfortunately, I can't sell it to you. There's no possible way you'd appreciate it.'

'Frank, it's water.'

'He's judging our reserve pinot noir - five years to produce it, five seconds in his mouth.'

'In order to be the king's permanent wine taster, you only have to be able to do 3 things: drink, swallow...and live.'

"The fifth wine has bright apple and pear notes, with just the barest hint of a blinding headache."

"What would you serve with toast?"

A Good Year.

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'