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Chilean Wine Fest.

The EU rolls back US wine imperialism. Chateau Postmoderne has undertones of angst, fragmentation and self-doubt, mixed with an intriguing gout de desespoir.

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

'This is the last time we hire former Cirque du Soleil members as stompers.'

'How do you folks get away with such flagrant violation of Prohibition?'

"Karen's idea of wine reduction..."

'Would you like some of our house wine? I just made it.'

'There's over 500,000 different wines? Bernie, we've got work to do!'

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

Wine: New & Old!!!

'I think we're all safe now. Go ahead and say spatlese.'

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

Pat's Bar, Rotgut Tasting 5-7.

'It looks like blood, tastes like Ribena, I just hope it gets me drunk,'

'Ahh, the '74 Amarone. Unfortunately, I can't sell it to you. There's no possible way you'd appreciate it.'

Wine tasters...

"What wine goes well with £5.52p?"

"The Garlic Escargot Velouté...would you like that in the traditional tureen, or supersize in a bucket?"

"This wine is CORKED!"

'Seems it all started at a wine-tasting seminar m'lud, nobody brought a bucket.'

Blue wine

'He's giving us a final request? Ask for a glass of Beaujolais Nouveau - that'll give us till November.'

"Can you suggest a nice Bordeaux that will complement the squirrel-infused manure?"

"O+ Harvest of ;92."

'I failed my wine appreciation class. I swirled, sniffed and spilled out every sample perfectly. If only I had remembered to taste them.'

'Just because I'm a doctor without borders doesn't mean I venture into menus without prices.'

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

'I can take your full-bottle order - he only handles splits.'

"Can you recommend a wine that tastes like a good beer?"

"I'm enrolled in a total immersion wine class."

"What wine goes well with 'broke'?"

"Foreign wines have ruined me for domestics. I still shop local, but I gripe global."

'I made the mistake of buying Greg a do-it-yourself wine making kit and a beer kit. Now we've got a 5-year supply of chianti with a thick, creamy head.'

'I started this vineyard 20 years ago, with absolutely nothing, and today I can proudly say I don't have less.'