Wine Enthusiast's Best Friend Gifts

"It's his only trick, but I think you'd agree. . . it's a bloody good one!"

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

In the Guru District

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

'A cheeky red?'

Wine Lady

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

Bacchus.

'Sooner or later, someone at the party will hand you a sandwich and a glass of wine - then what?'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"Now I really hate poetry."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

Sauvignon Bonk

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

'I like you, you remind me of someone.'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

'He's holding a sign saying he's marooned with 20 cases of La Tache. A second sign: drop a corkscrew and come back in six months.'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.