Window Cleaning Humor Fans Pillows

',,,I'm pretty sure I just saw your new window washer harassing another female tenant,'

'I'm so happy I could help you with your allergy to snakes, Miss Medusa!'

Suffering from Cooties?

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

'We found you in a cabbage!'

Dad Trophies

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

Well... Tis the season to be jolly!

Tequila Mockingbird

Rabies on board - a couple of rabid babies.

'Sigh! So that's what love is all about...'

"Good work Tim, you snatch it all: none of this sharing with your brother nonsense..."

'Why is it taking so long to eat your soup?'

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

"Pumpkin spice has been very good to me."

"Good news. It wasn't a toxic chemical leak. It was an old pizza in your kid's room."

"Do you feel your eyes have changed any since your last visit?" "No. They seem to be ho, ho, ho, holding their own."

'Yeah, bit how does the stork get into the maternity room?'

'Guess who's teething?'

'Henry, cut that out.'

"It's time you had those dinosaur hips replaced."

"But Mom, you said it was a pup tent!"

'I'm going to bed...whatever...'

"Young man, you go march your butt right back up those stairs and don't come down until you've made yourself look presentable!"

'You've made a breakthrough in FINANCIAL research?', 'Yep! - I split the ATM!'

'Jimmie, run and tell your dad the tractor is flooded.'

'I want you to bring me one.'

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

"Relax, he could just be looking for fun."

'You must have misunderstood, dear -- I'm sure they don't sell old generals at government auctions!'

'Here's what she was reading - an articl called 'Parents can be fun'.'

'I take a cold shower every morning... right after my daughters have taken hot ones.'