Window Cleaning Humor Fans Pillows

',,,I'm pretty sure I just saw your new window washer harassing another female tenant,'

'I'm so happy I could help you with your allergy to snakes, Miss Medusa!'

Suffering from Cooties?

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

Well... Tis the season to be jolly!

'We found you in a cabbage!'

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

Dad Trophies

Tequila Mockingbird

Rabies on board - a couple of rabid babies.

"Maybe I'm aiming too high...maybe 'saving for a cool car' is too hard."

'Why is it taking so long to eat your soup?'

This is the last time I ask Peterson to dust for prints.

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

"Good work Tim, you snatch it all: none of this sharing with your brother nonsense..."

'Sigh! So that's what love is all about...'

"Pumpkin spice has been very good to me."

"Good news. It wasn't a toxic chemical leak. It was an old pizza in your kid's room."

'Guess who's teething?'

'Yeah, bit how does the stork get into the maternity room?'

"Do you feel your eyes have changed any since your last visit?" "No. They seem to be ho, ho, ho, holding their own."

"I'll bet you're very proud of your handsome, well-behaved little sporks here."

'You must have misunderstood, dear -- I'm sure they don't sell old generals at government auctions!'

'Jimmie, run and tell your dad the tractor is flooded.'

"Young man, you go march your butt right back up those stairs and don't come down until you've made yourself look presentable!"

'You've made a breakthrough in FINANCIAL research?', 'Yep! - I split the ATM!'

'I'm going to bed...whatever...'

"It's time you had those dinosaur hips replaced."

'I want you to bring me one.'

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

"But Mom, you said it was a pup tent!"

'Henry, cut that out.'

"Relax, he could just be looking for fun."

'Here's what she was reading - an articl called 'Parents can be fun'.'