Wimbledon Watcher Pillows

'Advantage' (Tennis player has huge racket).

Bjorn Borg

"In two weeks' time, Andy Murray will either have achieved a great British win or an awful Scottish defeat."

I love tennis

'Do we have to go through this every year Henman says he can win Wimbledon?'

'Extinct species' 'England Wimbledon Champ'

Monica Seles

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

Tennis Champions

Caroline Wozniacki

Novak Djokovic

Tennis

"All the atmosphere of 'Murray Mound' but in the comfort of your own home!"

"Do you think the atmosphere would be better if the roof was closed?"

"I'm sorry but after 'Henman Hill' and 'Murray Mound' we're really only interested in supporting players whose names rhyme with the local topography."

"Have you considered the potential advantages of having a professional coach?"

"Are you going to watch Wimbledon all night?"

"Quiet please... the players are about to begin grunting."

Tennis player

Tennis fans queuing at Wimbledon.

'C'mon the one with the frilly knickers!'

'The English player has hit the net more times than the entire England team in the football World Cup!'

Anyone for tennis?

Tennis.

Wimbledon Queue.

Martina Hingis

Are you going to watch Wimbledon all night?

'Are you going to watch Wimbledon all night?'

'As usual, the tie-break proved something of a conversation stopper.'

"Bad case of 'Swivel Neck' comes from trying to watch too many games at the same time!"

"All the atmosphere of 'Henman Hill', but without the travel costs!"

Tennis

'My client's human rights have been violated by deporting him before the good weather and Andy Murray's win.'

'Einsteiners.'

"I can't wait for vacation - I'm going to go sun myself in a south-facing window."