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David Attenborough's Morning

'Personally I think there's too much Attenborough on TV.'

"You're very lucky that gazelle gives me diarrhea."

"Happy Gnu Year!"

"The Englishman goes to the beach once a year to shed his skin."

"Eat me"

"Hey Neil, you wanna come hang out with us today?"

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

"No need for stage fright, it's just a documentary crew: be yourself..."

"Only 150 kids? - Have you considered fertility treatment?"

"But what's my motivation?"

'Researching the opossum article.'

'...And if that doesn't work, grab your rifle and start blasting away.'

'You're not alone, Mr. Scrapp. A lot of hyenas are sensitive to laughter in the bedroom.'

Man sees half-eaten 'Do Not Feed the Bears' sign

Man feeding the birds at the park is eaten alive.

'It's a deal: we don't eat you, and you get us on Jacques Cousteau's next special.'

Vulture declines fresh food.

In Other News, Owls. Owl News Now. Here Owls. Owl Time.

Casting Wildlife Films.

'I don't mean to discourage you, but go home and play on your own range.'

'You've killed four warthogs, nine antelopes, two buffaloes and six gnus, but you haven't killed any zebras! Well, I call that discrimination!'

Mousehole TV

A tortoise tries to mate with an igloo.

'He had a hop-on part in a David Attenborough special.'

'Dang... so much ice around us, but not a lousy drop of Scotch!'

"That won't fool any hunters."

"Moo-mooo-mooo-moo-mooo-mooo. . . And that was the moos with Dale Wisbey. . ."

Big Brother - Final Series.

"Pardon me, Karen. Would you be filling the bird feeder soon? Asking for a friend..."

'Yes, it's a big horn and useful when I charge, but it tends to make me cross-eyed...'

Paul the house sparrow, yet another of life's creatures undone by the David Attenborough cameras.

'Lately I've been feeling the lure of the stage.'

"Harold... they know."

The fox and the hen shelter under the same tree in the rain